Two minutes past Friday

Well, well. I watched a movie called "Young Torless" and then some tv all while catching up on e-mail and following twitter. I went over to Dyke Daily for a while and realized I could not use the private message function, which I thought was odd. So then I read some of the forums and found out that I had had my private message privileges taken away because I had messaged some people telling them I was going to a different bulletin board and asking them if they'd like to join me there or come visit sometime. It was considered 'soliciting'...lol. I rebutted that I could have posted the link publicly asking the sheeple to follow me but I did it in private and only to a couple of people. That post and all the other posts on the subject were removed.
While I was thinking up something REALLY tasty to post in order to get banned along with my friends who just got banned while sticking up for me, the site was shut down for the day. That my friends is dyke drama I do NOT need. Especially since the moderator is an ex 'bff' of mine (her words, not mine, I never liked her that much).
So... looks like my connections to Dyke Daily are severed for good and forever, and I'm now hanging my hat at Queerky exclusively for the time being.
And those who didn't believe me and thought I was being paranoid about the moderator at DD have now had the scales removed from their eyes and hopefully will come join the fun at Queerky.
As long as there are isolated, lonely lesbians out there there will be a need for bulletin boards and as long as I am in need of a bulletin board I will seek out my old Technodyke pals, many of whom are at Queerky. The ones that have decided to stay at DD are not a big loss to me.
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Today I thought hard and long about my relationship with B. I thought about how I adored her. HOw I could not wait to wake up so I could cuddle before getting up for work, about how i could not wait to get off work so I could climb into bed with her. How I loved calling her on the phone and hearing her voice, how I could listen to her for hours. How she would come to my work and we'd make out in the car. How I loved to go shopping with her. How we would lay in bed watching a movie on my laptop and snuggling and I felt like I was on top of the world... how she would sketch me for an hour or so ... how excited I got when walking into her office to see her and there were the plants I had given her.
I sure did like her. I wish I had not taken a drink when she told me it was over. It would have been so much less stressful if I hadn't, but it might have drawn out too long also, so maybe it was a blessing after all.
I miss you, B., but I'm glad we're apart. I have so much to learn. But I can still smell your skin and feel your hair on my cheek when I snuggle tighter. I'll be glad when i can't feel that anymore.
So I'm going through our old e-mails and I know I should probably get rid of them but I want to print them and put them in a folder somewhere and bring them out one day when it's ok...
Like this one:
Precious -

Thank you for making my birthday such a happy day. I am so in love with you -- it changes my perspective on the world. I adore you and love you and cherish you -- I cannot imagine a day without you and your beautiful ocean eyes.

I am so deeply grateful you are in my life.

Thank you.

Yours with love always,

B
OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

*sigh*
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I don't know how you can write that and just a few weeks later, walk away. I feel so unsure of my ability to trust that love is real now.

Here, I'll play taps for that relationship, ok? It's been a year, I guess I can stop grieving now.