down

I have not been this down for quite some time. I worked today, we closed at eleven but everyone bolted and left me there alone to clean. Which is what usually happens but today it hurt more than usual. I worked so hard all morning, busting my ass and giving everything I had just to keep up... all those people having breakfast before they enjoyed a nice cookout somewhere, hanging out with their families. Me,
I went home and laid down and napped. Then I watched "American Gangster"; now I am house sitting for my sister.
I'm so lonely. And I simply can't think of anyone I could call to hang out with. There simply isn't anyone that is good for me to be with. Only my roommate, who is... well I can't figure him out. He was glued to the computer all day doing something with math.
I guess I could have asked him if he wanted to have dinner but I'm so down, so tired and so lonely; lonely for ... the company of a lover.
Yesterday I was sitting on the porch reading. My roommate came home and went inside, then a car pulled up and a cute woman my age got out and walked up, saying she had come by to meet me.
Roommate came out, and sat down on the steps, and this woman sat there too, and we all chatted a bit. Turns out she has a woman's writer's group, and her hubby is a magician. The writer's group has now been mentioned about five times and I still don't have any contact info for it. Why push it if you aren't going to tell me where and when?
I was amazed that there were 3 of us sitting on the porch: rare that that ever happens around here, well not with the people I know.
I went inside to eat and told Dave I was afraid that a party would assemble if I sat out there much longer: while we were all sitting there a friend of theirs walked by on his way home from the drum circle at the coffee shop.
This house sitting is for the BIRDS but it's the only way I can get unlimited internet until the 7th when I get my cable hooked up.
Man I'd give just about anything to be sitting having dinner with a partner. I do miss it, that's for sure.
I told my story last Tuesday at an AA meeting. It was quite ...weird. I kept getting very lost. but, now those people know me way better. My friend L came and that was pretty cool.