Pathetic

I went to bed early. After a two hour walk, part of which was halfway up Bankhead, I ate some pb&j& banana, drank some milk, ate an ice cream bar and caught up on e-mail. Went off to bed around eight thirty or so. Got my head on the pillow and attained a comfy position when I heard the little plink my cell makes when I have a text.
Got a text from Danny showing her and Dave. CUTE! I was a bit annoyed so I sent one of my head on the pillow. I'm such a grump. She was just trying to show off that she was hanging with GWAR.
At any rate I felt bad about it and sent another text saying "You guys look like you r havin fun!" But I didn't hear back.
I'm feeling a bit pathetic. Lonely... I read for a while, a Dean Koontz novel I think I already read before but it doesn't matter. I got sleepy again and laid my head down when I heard some huge vehicle coming down my very quiet road. Flashing lights accompanied it, but I didn't make it to the window in time to see what the hell it was...so... I went outside, and all the trash cans were knocked over.
What the hell was it?
I am now unable to sleep. Bleeding heavily from my period, wishing I had someone to talk to; but Danny is out having fun at a band, M is asleep by now, R is asleep, no doubt. I'm sick of not having a partner or lover over at least once in a great while for slumber parties where we share not only ourselves but the night.
But, everyone annoys me so... LOL. I'm here alone.
The text Danny sent ... GWAR. I remember thinking of her when C and I went to see WILD AT HEART, and there is that scene where there is a band and the lead singer is wearing a GWAR t-shirt. So many unattainable women in my life.
And I thought about the night I first saw GWAR, when I came out of the concert covered in green slime and fake blood, my hair dripping, wearing the leather jacket Graves had given me...well, not given. Traded for eighty bucks from the door money at Benny's, so that his g/f could have an abortion.
For as long as I had that jacket, the zippers would stick, due to the GWAR fake blood and green slime in the zippers.
I left that jacket in San Fran, with Izzy. Izzy, who's name I carved on her arm with a scalpel, at her bequest, in front of about fifty people at a play party. Sober as a judge, and she... wearing the brand: next time I saw her, years later when I went back to San Fran for pride and was drunk as a lord, she showed me her arm. It had healed nicely, and as she had asked me to, one of the 'Z''s in Izzy stood out more boldly than the others. I don't know what she was on, probably heroin, but she hung out with me a bit and we lay at the foot of the ...that big building in San Fran...we lay at the base of it looking up, on the sidewalk next to each other.
when we parted ways she said she was going to come back for me the next morning but she never did. I will surely never see her again, as I never saw Graves again.
But she has his jacket, or had. And she had the mannequin I brought with me from Theater IV. I wonder what happened to that too.