The Struggle

I often wonder if other people struggle with this: going about my day, some days I have really good experiences, and they might seem run-of-the-mill to anyone else but since I try to be in a constant state of gratitude, the smallest things can make me happy...
such as, tonight I was driving to my sister's, it's a long drive across town. Maybe twenty minutes. I was listening to NPR and heard this great song by an ENGLISH truck driver with a song about NOTTINGHAM (where Holly lives...) the song being about how a beggar came up to the truck driver and asked for money but the truck driver thought "If I give money to everyone who asks there won't be any left for me" and he didn't give him anything. But then the truck driver saw that the beggar had a friend who put his arm around him and then the beggar pulled up his pants leg and there was a wound to the bone. And the truck driver said "and then I knew my chance to help the guy would never come again."
Other songs by the same guy came on, about how it's the same in every country, truck driving that is. They were really good songs. You could tell the truck driver didn't have all his teeth as he sang, but it was ok because it was the blues.
And it made me happy to hear these songs and to think about Holly in Nottingham... to think about the UK in general.
So I was grateful for the long drive, enjoying the music. The STRUGGLE is... when I am enjoying myself like that, I have to make a conscious effort to NOT wish someone were there with me to enjoy it with. I stop myself and think aloud "Why do you need someone here with you to enjoy this? "
And I keep trying, keep searching for the way to enjoy life alone, by myself. I struggle because I want to get to the point where I don't have to make an effort, I want it come all by itself, just enjoyment of a moment. Being in the moment, I've gotten that: being in it alone, that comes next.