That'a a photo taken of me back in '82, outside the "Bus Stop" in Richmond VA. That was a bar that played new wave music on Wednesday nights; the happiest time of my life, the happiest moments were in that bar on the dance floor listening to THAT music. We went every week. I did not have a car so I rode my bike or walked. I was living near Willow Lawn at the time and walked all the way to Shockoe Slip. Or rode the bike.
I hadn't seen the photo since it was in the paper. Well, I'm sure I kept a copy but lost it pretty quickly. And since then I'd been unable to remember what year it was taken so was unable to get a copy off microfiche although I had tried my best.
Seeing the photo has brought back some memories, of course. Of that night there are few but of the whole Bus Stop time there are many. We loved that place. The dj was a radio dj and he had quite a music collection. He did play the best music. I have been collecting those songs on my iPod playlist. Lene Lovich, Talking Heads, Gary Numan, The Sex Pistols, Stray Cats, Romeo Void. Etc.
I'm looking at the photo and thinking "Really? That's me? I was that good looking? I look like KD Lang, for pete's sake. No wonder people asked me if I was her. What a waste. I'll never look like that again and the whole time I did look like that I was alone and afraid and crazy as a shit house rat. I hate the universe for that.
I thought briefly of dying my hair today, stupid photo.
Back then I had to be drunk to have fun. But I did have fun. A lot of it was horrible but those Wednesday nights were FUN. All I wanted was to find a girl, a punk rock girl who loved the same music and would come dance with me. I never did. Danny was too young to get in then, plus we hadn't met yet.
I went every week to look for a girl, and I did get to dance with some. But I always left with Richard, or alone. Richard would take me home then go home himself, and I'd brood about how lonely I was, but at the Bus Stop there was always hope that that hot punk rock chick was interested in me. But she never was.
And here I am at 47, 28 years later. A force to be reckoned with, coming into my own, happy to be alone, but I sure wish I had those looks right now. Just to have this brain, this emotional state and that body for one night.
But, that's the past.
I've gone through some amazing changes. Right now I'm just trying to maintain a 4.0 GPA, work full time without getting fired for insolence, and stay sober. I need to go to more meetings. I've had a bit of a vacation from AA the past couple of weeks and that is enough. I will be going to the Friday night 8pm meetings I think they are non smoking.
MY boss has started smoking in the office again. It's making me ill. My sponsor has a new sponsee and I'm trying not to feel abandoned.
I have a new friend who wants to do stuff, which is cool, but every once in a while she gets involved with her ex via e-mail and drops off the map. I let it go and wait for her to come back around. We're having coffee on Sunday. AT 11, instead of 10, because I intend to play CALL OF DUTY Saturday night. I bought COD:Modern Warfare 2 and 4, for a total of a hundred bucks. Expensive toys, those.
Now I want COD: World at War. I think I will get the entire series, then start on HALO.
Everything is fine and my roommate comes home next week and I wants to go to the museum with me.
J quit work and I Miss him terribly but he texts now and then. Life could be worse.
I didn't expect to live this long. Not at all. I should have been having this experience, the going to college sober thing, back then. I was 20. I should have been on a path.
But I was out looking for love in all the wrong faces, and I must never go down that road again as long as I live. It wrecks me.
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