TORNADO.

Okay, so. I just got internet back on today, earlier...it's taken me all day to get caught up on everything. In the middle of that I got a letter from a collection agency: they have a new trick. Send you a letter saying you can pay off your debt for 1/3 the amount. Sounds good! So I called.
Turns out I had another debt with them. One that was for a hell of a lot more money. SHIT! They got me. I'm now paid off on one, and the other one is going to choke me for a fucking year. BUT, it will be paid off. I'm whittling down my debt.
So... I guess I have to put off buying that netbook for a bit. Anyhow, last Thursday after work I came home, and did my usual thing, got ready for class: and just a little while before I was to leave for class, I got a call on my cell saying "This is your WAAY weather-call. A tornado was spotted in your area. TAKE COVER IMMEDIATELY."
So... I started to unplug my computer's surge protector but then something very big hit the house and I ran for the bathtub. However, the idea of laying in the bath tub for a half hour waiting for the storm to pass was not appealing so I ran back for my sandwich and soda. And brought them to the tub with me.
Don't ask me why. By the time I had jumped back into the tub things were slapping my house and car pretty hard. I called my sister from the tub, my sandwich in one hand, phone in the other, soda on the floor outside the tub... my head pressed down to the ceramic floor of the tub.
My poor sister was working but managed to get a tv on and told me the storm had passed and was headed up Monte Sano.
So eventually I emerged from the tub with my cell phone & sandwich. I walked out into the yard and looked around ... you couldn't see very far: trees down everywhere, debris, parts of houses.
Bricks, sheet metal, wood, trees, torn up mattresses. Pillows, trash from recycling bins, you name it. I saw a transformer spark. As I looked more closely there were wires down : one wrapped around my truck (the tornado didn't last long. But long enough for the wires to get wrapped around things in crazy ways. )
Had I been out in my yard, I could have been electrocuted or decapitated (my neighbor's plate glass patio table top was laying in pieces, some of them very sharp)... or I could have been crushed by my landlord's carport. So I'm glad I was in my tub where I was supposed to be, not looking up at the funnel like my neighbor said he was right before he nearly died of fright and ran inside the house.
I lit some candles and began packing clothes to abscond then realized that, as a sober person, I might want to go out and assess the damage and see if anyone needed help. I was out in the yard with neighbors when my brother pulled up (in my red car)... yelling my name. The cops wouldn't let him pull any closer than the street corner) and I walked over to him.
He walked around with me, having a gawk, then he looked at the truck. He was upset by the fact that I had thrown away part of the hatch that had broken, and he began duct taping the hatch where the window had just blown out in the storm.
I wanted to get the hell out of there so I asked him what he thought he was doing. He got mad at me for wanting him to hurry up and he stormed off, mad at that and mad at me for throwing away the badly broken parts of the truck hatch.
And I did not hear from him, haven't heard from him. It was the first time a tornado had hit my abode, with me in it. And there was tons to do, and lots of emotions running high, and I needed someone to talk to. It was so not going to be him. He fled the scene when I needed him the most, and I do not want to talk to him right now.
If he says one word about the truck I'm going to drive it to his house and park it in his yard and leave it there after making some nice ruts in the perfect grass of his lawn.
Fucker.

It's all good in da hood

Well...the wind is blowing something fierce and I am just irritated to no end by my mom. She sent two rambling letters and the last one stated she needs her scrapbook back ASAP because she doesn't trust my sister to copy it, she thinks my sister is going to do something bad to it.
Oh good lord. I had wanted my sister to scan the whole thing so I could send copies to my cousin in Scotland but now I have to pack it up and send it back right away. And she goes on and on about crap I could care less about. I'm just so irritated with life today. Work was horrid, bad. We went full fucking tilt from seven to two, no breaks, no food, barely got a drink in. EXHAUSTED. Brought my boss over a thousand dollars I'm sure. Probably more like three thousand.
And when I left he was stuffing his idiot face with a bacon sandwich bigger than his fucking hand. GROSS. I'm a bit sick of him. He's been hovering and commenting and making snark for two or more weeks now, and I want him to go back to the lovable cuss he was when he was separated from his wife.
She came in to get the grocery list for work and I told her to get at least 12 tomatoes, and a few heads of lettuce. She came back with a few tomatoes and 12 heads of lettuce.
We were all so tired today. I was limping and slurring my words when I left. J said he might drop by for a movie but he never did. I did my Algebra homework... I can't believe my textbook cost 179 bucks. FUCK ME!
And last night at the meeting I had to listen to my boss go on about how he has a lot going on at home and how it makes him unhappy and how if he's a jerk he's not a bad person and I wanted to say "Yes, it does mean exactly that".
T and I are supposed to go see "The Book of Eli" tomorrow, and it sounds like a fun time. After Music Appreciation class, and we will probably have a splendid time.
HE's an ok guy. I wish J was going too, but you can't have everything, where would you put it?
I got the books packed up to get to C. AT last.
And now I'm downloading CRYSIS to play AGAIN, going to start over and see if I can do better this time. I was playing MASS EFFECT but kept getting killed and that frustrated me too much. I don't like a game where you get stuck , and you keep getting killed because you can't figure out what to do so you have no choice but to look it up on the internet. That gets frustrating.
I wish I hadn't bought that game, I'm going to try to get my money back from Steam.
Or wonder if they will put the money to some othr game? I want to play Modern Warfare.
Or Call of Duty or one of those.
Want to get working on that junker 'puter but need to fix up the kitchen for doing that. I need to stabilize the kitchen table, it wobbles...but the light is best in there.

Opportunity Knocking?

Last week we had some snow here in No-AL. The temps were so cold that the ice remained on some roads and it still there days later: this prompted my college to close on its' first day, which was last Friday.
But I have a class on Sunday: the radio said classes would resume Monday. Did they mean I should NOT go to my Sunday class? There was no way to know: my college does NOT answer the office phones. I decided to go to class regardless. When I got there I was quite disappointed: I'd heard that the new site was across from some luxury condos and that there were shops going in on the ground floor of the condos. I had expected a coffee shop at the very least. NOTHING! NADA! The shops are closed up tight and not even finished. *sigh*
There was plenty of parking, it being a Sunday and ...nothing being open anyway. A group of people standing around the old TIMES building: milling about, wondering what to do. I looked and saw a gate leading to basement stairs. I put my hand on the gate and heard "Can I HELP you, ma'am?"
A portly security officer was walking across the street laden down with his daily snack allotment. I suppose in all of that food was his security guard stuff. Anyhow he led us down the stairs to a room with a desk. This guy ... is the team leader for the company. His glasses are a hundred years old and held together by tape. Also he has let his body go so far from the time he was a Master Sargent that it's hard to recognize the soldier within. But he's good at his job and I got his endorsement to go apply for yet another crappy job.
The pay is pretty low, of course, but they do take taxes out and I'd not have to smell like hamburgers anymore. My laundry budget would go down if I had uniforms to wear: you wear the same uniform twice, that's only two or three uniforms to wash as opposed to me having to change my clothes EVERY day working at the diner. I'd be able to throw away a LOT of clothes if I got this job and clean out my drawers from all the shirts, pants, socks etc I have to have to work at a crappy diner.
And, I would get paid overtime if I got any, and maybe paid holidays, I assume they follow the law.
I'm going to get ready and go down there in a bit.

New Year, New Cheer

Wow I woke up in a FUNK. I can't remember being that depressed upon awakening; with a headache to boot. If I had had a gun available I think I would have looked at it long and hard. Now that has got to be a chemical thing. It didn't last long...perhaps it was my dreams. I did dream about my computer game. A big mechanical monster was coming right at me and my (dead) brother; and I said "Look out the window! Twelve o'clock! Look now!) and yet no one made haste to get out of the monster's path.
The monster, I believe, is apathy, and I do want to get out of its path.
Today I went shopping determined to stay in the store a long time, buy everything I not only needed but wanted (I don't want much, but there are a few things I avoid buying due to cost, like the green drink with grass in it that I love) and why do I love it? Because it reminds me of my time with my dad in Alaska. The taste brings me joy.
So... I bought eighty bucks worth of stuff. French bread, fruit, squash, carrots: not one junk food item, although I did have Vanilla Wafers in my basket until I read the ingredients. They have high fructose corn syrup in them. ARGH! Is nothing sacred?
I got a notebook especially for beginning my novel. I realize that work would be made easier if I wrote paragraphs instead of playing zombieville on my iPod. It would distract me and also fill the idle time ... I have a few minutes here and there where it's not enough time to do anything significant but I want to be sitting down resting my feet yet not totally idle.
And I'm reading Mary Karr's "Lit". I told my sponsor about it and she bought it for me for Christmas. Mary Karr almost got killed in a car wreck due to drinking. And the book deals with her alcoholism and her going to AA although she doesn't mention AA per se, all the slogans and stuff are there. She doesn't say SPONSOR but she has one. For over fifteen years, the same one. I love the book. It made me want to write my story.
I have been analyzing why I don't write my book. I want to say pure lazy but I'm not lazy. Far from it. I fear not failure but success. What if my book is popular? Then I will have a lot of crap to deal with. My siblings and my mom and dad and everyone will want money from me right off the bat. When they look at me they will see an ATM card. I hate being from such a money grubbing family. Each and every one of them had support of some kind growing up: I had nothing but a crazy mom. I fight daily to shed the skin she knitted for me. She called on New Year's and started crying about how her second husband (My adoptive father) treated her. I wish mom was in therapy. That was over thirty years ago! Talk it out and let it go!
ugh.
AT any rate, I want to start writing.
For real and for earnest.
Last night I put on some music and started dancing. I'd feared I was gaining too much weight so I put it to the test: could I dance five songs and not collapse? And could I get through "Rock this Town" by the Stray Cats, dancing rockabilly, the whole song through? I could, and did. And my calves are not the least bit sore this day.
So the prognosis is not too bad. I'd like my pants to fit better but I'm not as out of shape as I feared. My main worry now is to bolt that bookcase to the wall. IF I dance just the right way in the right place on the living room floor, the bookcase bounces away from the wall at the top in such a frightening manner that I had to go dance in my roommate's room. I need to L brace that thing for sure.
And I'm dissapointed in Grooveshark: their copy of "Living on the Ceiling", possibly the BEST dance tune ever, is totally messed up. I need to write them.
AT any rate my new year is shaping up. Getting ready for classes and so happy it's not my first semester. Got my notebooks cleaned out, pencils ready, looking for a netbook to buy because I gave my laptop to my sister for xmas.
I could not really afford to do that but the damn thing brings back too many memories. I can see Bren walking into the T building at Prov, bringing the box to me, and me opening it in such a happy stupor. I was so happy that night, with my new laptop, and my lovely girlfriend, and the snow, and my job.
Why did I have to blow it all by drinking?
Because it wasn't such a lovely girlfriend after all. And I needed a way out. So I chose my usual option.
Anyhow, it's not so bad a year so far.

nihilist

I don't know what nihilist means but I like the sound of it. Reading Mary Karr's "LIT" and she said she glommed on to the term like "a debutante glomms onto a ____purse". I can't remember what kind of purse it was. Something glitzy.
At any rate, I just find it hard to care anymore. School is coming and I know I will put a lot of effort into it . I keep the house clean, and I play computer games, but I can't find any passion for much of anything.
Saw Avatar. It was pretty cool. All I could think of was 'when is the video game coming out?"
I'm bored. I'm thinking of buying Borderlands even though I have the free copy just so I can play with others online. Having gotten a pirated copy, I can't get the patch to play online. *sigh*
I could, I suppose, play Left For Dead 2 online...maybe I'll do that.
C's mom sent photos of the three of them. I have been thinking about C so much lately. What am I going to do about that? nothing I can do. I'll always be in love with her. And I'll never have her. And I think moving to Oregon is the best bet. Although my sister says she won't let me go. I can't stay here. Four more years is bad enough to think about. A lifetime?
So lonely.
Well... only two more years at Drake. That's good. Then UAH. Possibly a gay student union there. I should go check it out.

Four point oh

Ok not too shabby for a first semester. 4.0 gpa. I would have been happy with a 3.0. So...I'm enrolled for next semester already. And I've begun taking apart my first computer. I need to buy some thermal compound before I go any further. It sure makes a big difference working on a junker computer and working on your own gaming computer which I would not attempt just yet.
I took the heat sink out of the junker, and cleaned the fan blades, and now I need some thermal compound before I put it back in. Actually I put it back in already but only just to see if the computer was getting power to it, it is, but that is all that's getting power is the cpu cooling fan.
Oh and the little green light in the back of the tower. So the power supply is getting power and the fan is, but ...we don't know what goes on from there. We'll take a look at the motherboard. I had a good long look inside the old computer. It's an HP. It's very old. And yet it doesn't look near as scary as one might have thought. It's pretty simple actually. You don't have to know how to put a motherboard together, you just have to know where it goes and what goes on it and it's all pretty straightforward. Lots to learn though.
I got that 4.0 and now all I want to do is rest my brain.
Today at work was very very hard. Busy all day, no rest for eight and a half hours. I'm trying to be very cheerful in order to get a decent bonus. That comes tomorrow.
But I want a different job at least so I can have pain in different parts of my body for a while.
Last night went to 3 Legacies with Liz, she gave me the book I'd heard about on NPR..."Lit". I can't wait to read it.
Today at work coworker gave me a VCR tape of "Heathers". ... (What's your damage?)
that was sweet of him.
I got a card from I ; and we went to lunch Monday at Surin of Thailand. That was nice. Her hubby works at some computer place over by Calhoun. WE dropped something off over there. Very good to see her.
They live not six minutes from me... I could walk there. I might someday!
So tired. So happy that xmas is almost over.

Red Lobster and the Crimson Tide

I had the idea to take my brother out for his birthday instead of buying him something: mainly because I simply can't think of ANYTHING he might want. He seems to have everything he wants or needs. I didn't want to get him a gift card this year so I thought, dinner and a movie, and invite our sister along so she could pay half.
well... he chose Red Lobster as his eatery. I sighed and smiled and pretended that was ok.
My sister was watching the Alabama /Florida game when I called her to see if she was on her way. It turns out that it was a big game night and no one really wanted to leave their tv sets. I had had no idea.
When we got to Red Lobster all the TVs were set to the game and all eyes (except for mine) were glued to the sets. It was a big deal, deciding where to sit so they could get optimal viewing positions. And of course the entire restaurant was cheering and awwwing and generally going off about the game. I tried to talk about the choices I had made recently (decided to go for my bachelor's degree) but my talk fell on deaf ears.
When we left Red Lobster we went out to the parking lot and I saw that my brother had driven the red car. I said "Hey! That's MY car!" and he offered to drive me to the movie in it. It was exciting to see it out on the road. He says he needs to maybe replace the rear end, fix the driver's side mirror, and the passenger seat won't click into place and flops around when you stop from a higher speed.
This morning I turned in my 'Orientation to College' portfolio... I really don't know why they make us bother because the teacher didn't even look at my work. I could have written anything in there. I could have written the same sentence over and over and wish that I had done that.
Then I turned in my English portfolio and I feel pretty good about that. I'm pretty sure that since I rewrote all of my papers , and they all had 90's or higher... that class is in the bag.
In a few minutes I leave for math class. I think we take the final next week. I'm stuck on finding the volume of solids...anything I have to multiply pi by a fraction, I can't find the volume... I get within 1 or 2 but that is not close enough.
Anyhow, here's hoping I can get past that tonight. I hope she doesn't make us take the final tonight since she said it was next week. Many of the teachers are confused on dates.
Saturday my boss gave me a brisket to cook, I cooked it and and it was freakin' amazing. I brought it home and have been eating off it since Saturday night. I went into Star Market this afternoon to get some veggies to eat with it and as I was perusing the canned veggies, I turned and saw a dog in a shopping cart. I thought that was pretty awesome.