Hale-Bopp

Was just thinking about living with P. ... man I wish I hadn't moved in with her, but just dated lightly.
She was living in the old "Flagstaff Native Plant and Seed" building .  My friend D. had been telling me about P. for a while... thinking back, I bet P. was asking D. to introduce us.  I bet D. was reluctant to do so.
 Anyhow, I agreed to go over to P.'s place and drink a few beers and meet her.  I went over one night after work (was working as the prep cook, the only prep cook at Cafe Espress)... yup, yup.  Instant lust.
 We sat outside on an old barrell and looked up at Hale-Bopp and rolled cigarettes.
 I remember that the rolling papers had an inscription on them, in olde English, that said "Simply the Best"; but of course in that old English script, the lower case 's' looked like an 'f', so I pointed out that it said "Simply the Beft".
 From that point whenever one of us was feeling good about the other, we'd say "You're the BEFT".
I also recall a couple of other times that stick out in my mind, such as , after making love, I reached over my head to retrieve the glass of water sitting behind me on the headboard.
 I spilled it on me and the bed; but P. just laughed and said "You look good in a wet t-shirt".
I was so worried she'd be mad.
 Another thing that really endeared her to me was that her VCR had a little green light on it that was just so bright, you could see your way around the room by it.
 I said once, "Wow, it's like the North Star!"
Woke up one morning and there was a little sign taped to the VCR with an arrow pointing to the little light that said "north star".
 P. also liked to make love outside; we'd go for walks and find ourselves under a tree near a lake making love on a carpet of moss or grass;
 One time it was raining and P. was house sitting for her neighbor so we ran between apartments, naked, back and forth ...
 I thought the sun rose and set with P.
She could walk on her hands, she had short spikey bleach blond hair... her smile would knock you over.  Elfin eyes, mischevious, always.
 I should never have moved in with her. It might have lasted a little longer.
But I drank, of course.  Drank myself out of my job and P. found me a temporary job on a river trip down the Colorado with Brad Ilg at the helm (I still owe him money and need to find him somehow to repay him).
 That river trip turned into a month down in Young , Arizona at geology camp.  I was the assistant cook on the river trip but down in Young it was just me, and I was drinking heavily,
 although I was in the best shape of my life, and tan, and feeling on the top of the world because I had P. to go back to ;
 I found out she'd moved out of the little building we had rented and used my rent check as a deposit on a new place and given my dog away.  *sigh*
 To this day I don't know the entire story but I think she fell in lust with my then-best-friend and decided to leave me while I was in Young.
 I handled it badly due to the booze and find myself surprised when I realize that of all the people from my past, P. has been the one , the only one, that FOUND ME,  not the other way around, and offered apologies without asking for any.
 The reason I write about all this is the rememberance of the feeling I had sitting there smoking with P. looking up at Hale-Bopp, knowing I was going to be in bed with her that night and wake up to her the next morning... we'd be snuggled together for a while then spread out on her bed eventually, but upon waking it was time for a kiss and a snuggle and mabye morning sex.
 I think I did love her, actually. It started as lust but there was and always will be this love for her.  She always comes through, does the right thing, in the end.
 You gotta admire that. I did love P.
I still do, always will.  Not the way I love C, of course.  Different, not as intense, but with a lasting loyalty and a constant yearning that never really goes away.
 After we broke up she had a tendency to call me late at night and ask me to come over.  It was winter, and I had a VW with no heat. It was quite a chore to get that thing going and be able to navigate in the snow with no heat.
 And I'd go over there and we'd make love and then she'd ask me to leave.  And say we must never do that again.  And I'd leave each time, heartbroken until the next time she'd call.
 The last time that happened, when she asked me to leave,
I said NO. I said if she really wanted me to leave she'd have to have me removed by the cops, but this time it was snowing hard, below zero, my car had no heat, and I was exhausted, tired, sleepy.
 She was taken aback but took it ok and we snuggled and she made breakfast in the morning and coffee and I left for the last time. 
 She came into the bar where I was working not too long after that, with the girlfriend she'd been seeing while seeing me on the side.  I guess she wanted to introduce me or something but I had a tizzy fit and asked her to leave. It made me very unhappy to see them there.
 Plus I didn't understand her need to come in there .
At any rate, that was the last time I saw her.  It was back in who knows, 97 or so. I'd have to think hard to peg the date...
 but in 2001 or '02, I got an e-mail from her , she'd found my email and knew I was living in Alabama from a friend and was worried about me. (We were in the midst of a tornado warning)... we've been in touch ever since.
 Very sporadically, and I do have her phone number, but don't ever call, haven't called.
I will though. I miss her sometimes.
 I don't have anyone to sit with and watch the sky with. I hope I do someday, and the lessons I have learned along the way, with P. and with other people, hopefully next time I won't move in and I won't say yes when they ask me to marry them and start talking about rings.
 I know better now. I don't want to push away another P. or C. or ... T.
I wish they were all good friends with me and I wish I could call them and have one of our old lovely chats.
*sigh*
 I've met some extraordinary women in my life, problem is I always slept with them.