Madagascar

So finally, after a meeting I came home and called L. and then I sat down and turned on the TV. I ate some yogurt and cottage cheese while watching Madagascar for like the fifth time. Each time I watch it I am fine until the part where Marty says to Alex "You're biting my butt."
B's sons would say that line over and over and we'd all laugh each time. They'd also play that song "I like to move it" over and over.
I can sit and watch the memories as they fade into the past. B. and her two sons, fading into my past like watching a road in the rear view mirror as you drive twenty miles over the speed limit.
Going, going... soon to be gone. Just like so many others. One after the other after the other. All different but all the same. I must never do that to myself or to others again, there must be no more of that 'instant family' thing where I move in, fall in love with not only the mom but the kids then... poof. It's gone.
Although I know my drinking has been the reason (and a good one) they left me, it was always the last straw in a long line of straws; I'll give all those women that. They were all ready to bolt and I give them a very good reason to do so.
I know when it's over, and when it's over I drink because I know the end is coming, and they use that to chuck me.
What a lovely script I've written for myself. I have torn up that script and now plan on ad-libbing it from here on out.
Well... anyhoo.. Madagascar, it's good every time I see it.
And yannow, I have a copy of it on dvd, and it belongs to D., and I should send it back to Las Vegas. If I can remember to pick up an envelope for it at the post office, I will do that ...
And, my cramps are still with me.
Yeah, I'm feeling sorry for myself right now. I'm lonely as hell and crampy and I quit smoking and I don't even have that to look forward to.
And I can't even have a simple online romance, nothing. I am just an aging, sorry excuse for a human living in a basement , sleeping on a ragged mattress my brother gave me, washing dishes for a living.
I lisp when I speak because I'm missing molars. I'm a mess.
And I hope these cramps and this horrible fugue goes away very soon because I don't recall being this down for a long long time.
I think I'll go play computer chess. now.