Friday

So... I met someone online and we're having a coffee on Friday.
Been e-mailing back and forth in the mornings. She is older than I am by about six years, works for a major aircraft company, and has a house about half hour away.
With a boat in the backyard. She used to live on her boat. I find this fascinating and want to hear all about it.
I'm sorry she doesn't live on it now!
At any rate, she sent me a photo and... she seems to look friendly and nice enough, I heard her voice on my voice mail and it sounded kind of harried but she did say she'd had the week from hell.
It's just my deepest desire to have a friend , and I did say I would love to help work on the boat if we got along as friends... so we'll see.
It's great just to have the possibility of a friend before me.
Well my friend G. who I was so excited to see when he came back from Florida.. .is in the hospital. I guess he started drinking again... damnit.
He was doing so well...
work was fucking HELL today and I don't know how I got the energy to ride my exercise bike for thirty minutes and do fifty situps, plus toe touches.
Then go to the meeting, and come home and blow it all on eating an ice cream bar! lol.
But then again I only ate a bowl of cereal, two bananas, a lean cuisine all day. so I guess all is not lost.

I'm trying to be totally honest with myself about meeting this person on Friday.
At first I was worried because her voice on the voicemail sounded kind of like she was one of those whiney people...
And I thought she might be a femme. A whiney femme. turns out she gets called SIR as much as I do, she's about my size, and we look a bit alike too.
So... immediately I started wondering where it would go, but each time i think that I kick myself and remind myself that that is my number one NO NO.
Each time I've drank myself into the hospital it was over a WOMAN I jumped into bed with for all the wrong reasons.
So... I have to keep that stupid staple puller in my pocket I guess when I meet up with her, and I guess I'll put it where it will poke me the most. Of course I want her to flirt with me. Of course I want to flirt back.
of course if I do I'm going to open the very wrong can of worms.
but I need a friend!
I have to examine my motives. I really want a friend, I love boats, I love working on stuff like boats, and ... she has a huge garden with fruit trees and I love that too.
So... I need to keep honest with myself about all this and not make any missteps.
OK, good. Just writing it down so later when I am further into this friendship I can come back here and read this and report on how I'm doing with it.
Liz says it's ok to get involved in a relationship as long as I go in knowing that my program and my contact with her and HP and the fellowship is more important and always placed first. I believe it's true... so I think I can do this if I keep honest.
*keep breathing... it's just coffee*