Sex and the absence of it

Seems to be very good. Seems like I'm finally realizing that too much of my life has been in a hunt for sex, not love. I didn't know what love looked like, but I sure found a lot of sex: the "I can't believe it's not LOVE" substitute.
Yeah, as soon as some good looking dyke was nice to me and started snogging me I was all about being wrapped up with them no matter what I was doing at the time. Many is the time I should have said "go away, now" to them.
I never could.
I don't know why this time in my life I've been able to not chase anyone, not even online. Not saying I don't flirt, I do, but I sure don't take it any further than "Hey.. nice butt!"
I've had some wimmin try to get further, online and offline... that is to say in person. But you know, I am now able to send out that signal that says "I'm SO not going to take it that far" and you know what? They seem to disappear right after that.
One chick online was saying things like "Oh, I may be a bit fatter than I want to be but you know, I dont get any complaints, probably because I have skills ... you know... "
I never replied to the comments she wrote like that. And we did have some really cool stuff in common. But she was after sex, and I am not.
And so I have learned that it's an easy way to weed out the sex addicts! Wow, what an obvious but hard to learn lesson. Withold sex, do not show any interest in it, and you find out who is for real and who just wants to get in bed.
So I've realized just how people use sex and lust and crushes as a drug to 'forget' ... as much as booze or drugs or other addictions. I use the internet.
Hopefully I am not getting the internet's hopes up. When the internet mentions sex, I do not reply to it. lol
*sigh*
These lessons seem so blatantly obvious yet why did it take me so very long to learn them?
Perhaps because this is the first time I've allowed myself to be on my own. I guess that helps! Always in the past someone needed me to be there. Mom needed me, Sis needed me, dad needed me ...
If I'd moved out on my own years ago I'd have found this peace years ago. But I was always going where I thought I was needed, but where I am needed is here with my self.
so I can grow.
OUT , damn SpOT! ouT i SaY!