*There's nothing I like better than seeing a movie ABOUT Alaska while IN Alaska. Just love watching "The Simpsons Movie" or "30 Days of Night" or "Grizzly Man" or "Into the Wild" with a bunch of Alaskans. It's delightful entertainment to hear them boo, hiss or jeer as their state is misrepresented in oh so many ways.
(Example: In '30 Days of Night' there is a Sheriff. There are NO Sheriffs in Alaska: it would have been State Troopers.) And you can hear the audience loudly correcting the filmmakers. It's just good clean fun.
**Speaking of Alaska, today the cook brought back some meat that LOOKED good but SMELLED bad and asked me for my opinion. I smelled it and yup, it was BAD. I looked at my boss and said "Smells like a grizzly bear." He nodded. Bears smell really really bad. Like rotten meat and fish in a landfill.
My boss is moving out of his house. I guess he and his wife are not getting along. I feel bad for him. I offered to help. I don't think he'll call me.
Moving out of his house the day before Valentine's... it truly sounds like something I'd do. Happy VD, everyone!
***********
I have moments of happiness but they are few and far between these days. It seems like I spend the better part of my day daydreaming about the good times I have had and wondering how I can get them back... I can see myself at Joe's Place in Richmond with C.J.; I can feel the sweat drenching my shirt as I operate the fly gallery at Theater IV. Sometimes I can smell the sculpture studio at VCU; and other times I am reminded of walking along Haight Street towards Safeway. The times that I am happy here in Huntsville, are so fleeting that I truly need to write it down and remember them, or as that song says "If you hear joy has come to town, hunt it down, take a picture and tape it to your eyes."
I'm going to the Flying Monkey Arts Center tomorrow night with CL#? What was it now, 2 or 3? It doesn't matter. The other CL's are gone. So I will just call her CL.
Anyhow she texted me this morning asking if I wanted to go hear some blues and I said sure.
I did a little google mapping and found out that my new home will be a mile and an eighth away from the Flying Monkey. Also it will be five miles closer to work: that is sixty less miles I have to drive per week: this is going to save me about ten dollars a week in gas I think. AT least.
That is good news.
Seriously though: where is the happiness? I am on a mission: to find some. Also on a mission to be come the strongest person who complains the least. It's going to be rough.
At work I filled an empty softsoap refill bottle with water. That's a gallon jug. I have been lifting it : curling it, extending it etc.
I'm going to take a mat to work to do sit ups from time to time. I have got to do something at work to break up the monotony and use my time wisely. People will , as usual, think I'm way off my rocker but who really gives a flip.
And the complaining part: its going to be hard giving it up. I want to be that person who goes through absolute hell with a smile on their face. i want to be the 'go to' guy, the one you don't mind asking for help because they say "sure! you betcha!"
if they can.
I worked my ASS off today and watched as my boss made arrangements to move out of his wife's house. I am cheerful because it's NOT ME. I don't understand that behavior even though it has happened to me countless times. you'd think that this guy, being sober this long, would have managed to side step that part. I guess being sober isn't the cure for shitty relationships.
I think the cure is to stay the fuck away from them.
to sleep, perchance to dream: AYE, THERE's the RUB. This morning I woke up from a dream about Rachel Maddow. Damnit, she was flirting with me. And I don't even usually watch Maddow but this morning I did watch a clip and remembered the dream. Rachel Maddow reminds me of my ex. Something about the t-shirts, the hair, the face, the stature. It makes me insane that everyone is all about Maddow because all I see is my ex. I will tell you : that dream was HAWT.
4 comments:
I wish I could tell you the secret to finding happiness. People tell you all sorts of ways to go about doing that, but none of them seemed to work for me, until, I started to feel good about myself. Then suddenly I was able to feel the happy moments when they happened. It was funny, but the sames things I did that made me feel so miserable before, suddenly didn't feel so bad. Now it's just a matter of finding the confidence to do the things I want and need to do to take control of my life, ...which I'm thinking will go a very long way in improving how happy I will be. :)
Thanks...I suppose it's true what my sponsor says, all I have to do is stay sober and I'll find out where I've been hiding all these years.
And I'm thinking that when you start getting to know that you that's been hiding all these years, and begin to live your life more in keeping with her needs, the way for you to find happiness won't be such a mystery. ... But don't quote me on this, I'm just a fellow traveler. :)
I think also that it's easier to remember the sad times than the happy times: I have not been feeling that sad lately, but it seems like it when your'e sad, doesn't it?
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