One of the big lessons the Big Book teaches us is that we are frustrated in life because we want to run the show. We want to be actor, director, producer... we want all the players to stand and sit where we want them to and to do as we direct them to.
If only they would follow our direction! But ... that is not how life works. And so we must learn to only worry about our own roles.
You know, there is that chick at work who is my buddy's sister. And she had asked me over for dinner/movie and it turned out horrid. She's been tipping me out, she's the only one who does. And I figured it MIGHT be because she's gay and I'm gay and she might be attracted to me or she might be showing off or who knows. Whatever, I felt bad taking her tips because she's having a hard go of it. Apparently she had a job and lost it due to a seizure that no one could figure out the origins of...
AT any rate, I have been putting her tips in a jar with the intent of buying her something nice or something she needed or whatever.
I told her we ought to do something sometime...and it turned into this big hassle. She doesn't like going to movies, (the people are rude),she doesn't like the lesbo bar, she does like this one place up in Hazel Green but then she said she didn't have the money this week to go, after I'd told her I was going to buy her dinner if she liked.
It's too much like work, and I just wanted to try to make a friend, and I'm about to say fuck it and spend the money on video games.
Tonight my wifi has been very flaky, I have to keep restarting the computer, I have to keep unplugging the modem. And the Direct TV is not working. Not in my room anyway. I know it was working downstairs because roomie was on the couch watching tv when I got home.
So, I'm trying to find something else to do while I rest. I'm so bloody tired. It was a very busy day as always. I had so much to do. and my feet hurt and my back hurts and how lovely it would be to cuddle up with someone and watch a movie or just stroke their hair... why is that so very very impossible ...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment