nihilist

I don't know what nihilist means but I like the sound of it. Reading Mary Karr's "LIT" and she said she glommed on to the term like "a debutante glomms onto a ____purse". I can't remember what kind of purse it was. Something glitzy.
At any rate, I just find it hard to care anymore. School is coming and I know I will put a lot of effort into it . I keep the house clean, and I play computer games, but I can't find any passion for much of anything.
Saw Avatar. It was pretty cool. All I could think of was 'when is the video game coming out?"
I'm bored. I'm thinking of buying Borderlands even though I have the free copy just so I can play with others online. Having gotten a pirated copy, I can't get the patch to play online. *sigh*
I could, I suppose, play Left For Dead 2 online...maybe I'll do that.
C's mom sent photos of the three of them. I have been thinking about C so much lately. What am I going to do about that? nothing I can do. I'll always be in love with her. And I'll never have her. And I think moving to Oregon is the best bet. Although my sister says she won't let me go. I can't stay here. Four more years is bad enough to think about. A lifetime?
So lonely.
Well... only two more years at Drake. That's good. Then UAH. Possibly a gay student union there. I should go check it out.