That which burns but does not kill

I'm immersed, engulfed in a conflagration of the heartfires. I wish I could blog about it but I have spent the better part of the day writing back and forth with my love, each trying to so hard to describe our feelings for one another. It has been three solid months of constant craving;
I have been to her house twice now, as hard as that is for me to believe because our time together has been so short each time.
But I think it 'taking it slow' ...sort of. I mean, two days here and two days there, and in June, ten days together,
and then eventually hopefully I'll live in Portland and we'll see each other more often. I don't want to lose my autonomy, but I don't want to live in a different state either. I need to be closer to this woman. She holds my heart in her hands.
As for my mom: I feel the need to be mean to her. I need to get away so i can have sympathy. I want to slam the door in her face and kick her down the stairs. I hate myself for it but she asked for this life, and I leave her to it.